Back in 1981 when the world as we knew it had only three channels, I watched a movie called “The Best Little Girl in the World.” The movie was about Casey (Jennifer Jason Leigh, remember her?) – a teenage girl who struggled with an eating disorder. I vividly remember one scene in which Casey stood alone in front of a full length mirror, wearing only a bathing suit. Her eyes saw chubby thighs, a spare tire around her middle, and a double chin when she was merely skin and bones. Casey’s mother (who had no idea the extent of the condition her daughter was in) suddenly opened the door and was horrified to see the reality of shoulder, rib, and hip bones jutting against Casey’s skin. I was a petite little girl at the time – and couldn’t imagine anyone deliberately making themselves upchuck (Mom’s word) but I remember a character in the movie saying it was “better than being fat.”
Body image is a complicated thing. When I looked in the mirror 75 pounds ago, I saw a pear shaped woman. Guess what? When I look in the mirror now, I see a pear shaped woman.
I don’t feel more worthy, more valuable, more important or more significant than I did 75 pounds ago. That’s not to say I haven’t noticed improvements in my life: among them a sense of accomplishment and increased energy. But I’m certain that to God, my value didn’t go up as my weight went down and I know this is true of every fat, skinny, high-waisted, short-legged, beautiful, not-so-beautiful, blonde, brunette, unibrowed, wrinkled, brawny, puny, “red, yellow, black or white” individual on the planet.
I say all this not to discourage anyone from losing extra weight, but as encouragement to focus more on health and less on appearance. (Oh, I’m not going to lie – of COURSE looking better is a bonus!) But what is important to God should be reflected in our lives: “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
Food log for today is early because I’m going to a Christmas party catered by Carino’s tonight and I may or may not want anyone to know what I eat later. 🙂 I got crazy and switched things up at breakfast, and had an omelette with one egg and about 1/4 cup shredded potato and some salsa, plus about 10 cocoa almonds. Lunch was a cup of beef vegetable soup and some pita chips & hummus.